Man, if anyone reading this blog has yet to read Mere Christianity, I would highly advise you to get to it. In all your spare time, right? :) Even so, it's an exceptional book, one that I keep coming back and back to...and the chapters on Christian Behavior is my absolute favorite. So now to dive into said Christian behavior.
Faith. What is it? Well, we've got our classic LDS definition (thank you Moroni), that faith is things that are hoped for and not seen, but are true. In short, this definition sees faith as closely linked to hope; an enduring belief in something true but intangible. In chapter 11 of Mere Christianity, Lewis expands on this definition. He says that faith is "the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods" (140). He states that though you can have confidence in the acceptance of God and Christianity (your testimony, in Mormon terms), this confidence can be disrupted by an emotional "blitz on belief". One example of this phenomenon is his knowing perfectly well that anesthetics don't smother him, but yet feeling an overwhelming panic as the mask is going over his mouth. In these instances it doesn't matter how much rational knowledge you have on a subject. You're doubtful of the truths you've learned, and it's difficult to be dissuaded.
I've had these irrational sorts of blitzes on my faith. Times when I step outside of my believing perspective and ask, What if? Times when I see things more cynically. Lewis sympathizes, saying "I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable" (140). These sorts of ups and downs are what characterize his Law of Undulation, discussed in Screwtape Letters. We have peaks and valleys in our faith...but like Lewis says, undulation is the closest thing to constancy we, as beings residing in time, can experience. Don't feel guilt for the sudden moments of profound doubt; as long as you view them in perspective of your faith (which hopefully represents a great swath of experience and thought), these doubts will find little toehold in you.
In these moments of emotional upheaval, of sudden fear that what I've built my life around is not as solid as I previously believed, there are some things I always come back to. First is the examples of those around me. I think about what I love. I think about what makes me happy. I think about who I want to be like. I want to be like those who love others, who give generously, who find happiness in serving and encouraging the people around them. Where do I most often find the people doing this? Though goodness exists in many many places, the kind of goodness I want I find in the church. I at least feel that according to the pattern of example I've seen and with the knowledge I have, that I could not be a better person without the church in my life. The second thing I come back to is prayer. I'm not all that imaginative a person. My days of imaginative friends are far behind me. And still, I feel that when I pray, I'm being heard. My life is better as a result of prayer. Sometimes I even feel the strength of another person's prayers for me. I've felt peace, I've felt directives, I've felt stillness of mind as a result of prayer, and I don't believe that these experiences are personally constructed.
Now, some may feel that they have more than an emotional spritz, a crazy doubt or chance thought that momentarily derails them from truth. Some may feel their doubts and questions more enduring, less attributable to emotion, more difficult to release. I've experienced this too, though in what proportion to your concerns I don't know. Lewis' advice on this state of being is priceless. He insists that regardless our current state of faith, if we want it to improve it or remain on a reasonable level, "we have to be continually reminded of what we believe". He says without holding before our minds reminders of what we believe, our belief will die. Our general authorities have gone so far as to say that it is not possible to reason yourself out of the church. Lewis agrees, asking "I wonder how many of [those who have lost their faith] would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?" There is a lot of literature on this, but if such a dilemma is yours, I would encourage you to not cease in your church attendance. To continue to dig into the scriptures. To try to do good things for others. If these activities still leave you dead to faith and testimony, I would be much surprised.
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