I couldn't help myself. The man made me angry.

Alright. So SINCE we're all about confessions on this blog, here's the first: this post is going to be completely indulgent. Probably not of much help to anyone but me. Still, it is requisite that I post once a week, and this is the bit of Lewis that struck me as most controversial in my weekly reading.

It's from Surprised by Joy, the autobiography of his young life that basically follows his conversion from Atheism to Christianity. Another great read--I recommend it. But! Here was the portion that gave me pause. In relation to his recent acceptance that there was a God, Lewis said

"If Theism had done nothing else for me, I should still be thankful that it cured me of the time-wasting and foolish practice of keeping a diary. (Even for autobiographical purposes a diary is nothing like so useful as I had hoped. You put down each day what you think important; but of course you cannot each day see what will prove to have been important in the long run.) "

*Ahem*...what? WHAT? Lewis!! Alright, so for background, most who know me will know that I have a ridiculous journal keeping habit. Former roommates know that I stay up till late hours of the night, documenting highs and lows, tracking mental victories and failings, and generally professing my awesomeness to my future progeny. But what's this? Lewis not only deploring the process of journaling, but also implying that a belief in God should lead someone from this "time-wasting and foolish" practice? No. I'm being tugged in three very uncomfortable directions here. My love for Lewis, Theism, AND MY PROGENY. What to do?

Well, first to agree. Lewis is right. Journaling? Time-consuming. Also, yes! In day to day writing, you're not going to pick out important themes that are going to characterize your life or even your year...In an attempt at a Lewisian analogy, it's like taking a huge magnifying glass to one strand of a woven bracelet, and not seeing the color of the strand in relations to others, or that the single strand goes into making a useful whole. (Stupid analogy, I know. It's late.) So! Journal as a functional tool? Not necessarily effective. Leaves one sleep deprived and is not necessarily useful in the future writing of a Personal History or some such thing. So why do it?

Welll...! Hmm. To be honest, it's become a bit of a habit, for one. For another thing, it was strongly encouraged by Spencer W. Kimball a while back, so it can't be that bad of an idea...! In more serious terms though, I think my journal has been really useful to me. Here are a couple ways in which this (perhaps over-indulgent and compulsive habit) has helped:

1. Adds value to my day to day life. I think just the act of recording things makes me feel like my daily life has meaning.

2. Makes me accountable for things, both in the present (writing it down) and in the future (progeny!!). I've certainly been tempted to hide things from my journal audience, or even not fess things up to myself. But just recognizing that I don't want to write something makes me realize it's something I probably should deal with.

3. Makes me better friends with myself. I'm writing with myself about myself...and sort of to myself. Makes me more comfortable in my own skin.

4. Helps engender a commitment to the future. Each entry is some sort of investment. Not only in me, but in that dear progeny I'm talking so much about. I think my journals are going to be a really effective way for future relatives to get to know me, even when I'm not around. And hey! Maybe they'll even be entertaining and informative.

5. Is fun to go back and read. Seriously--I get sucked into my former headspace when I read my journals back a ways. Interesting and fun...also dangerous if my head wasn't in a great place when I was writing though.

6. Makes me want to use my time more wisely. This goes back to the accountability thing. If I'm going to write about life, I want to have something to write about. This can occasionally be dangerous when I add unnecessary stress and drama to my life to make things more interesting...but it also encourages me to use my time fully, which leads to fun.

7. I'm a super quick 'response' writer. I can do the free flow of brain writing thing really easily, having practiced for a good 40 minutes or so every night.

And there's a picture of them. Isn't that nice. Now, who knows if the benefits outweigh the costs (time), but I feel like journaling has done a lot for me in forming my person. I likely will not always do it at such an intensity as I do at present...but for now, I think I'll keep it up...if only for the progeny. :P Sorry Lewis.