Love, Suffering and Self-Sufficiency

As I've just started my Thanksgiving Vacation, I don't have access to the books I would otherwise like to write on. I still have the ideas in my head, but the specific quotes...are gonna be hard to attain. So! We'll stick to summaries.

I've been thinking a lot about an adage that I believe was in A Grief Observed (wonderful book if you haven't read it; way different than his other stuff. Phew.). Lewis talks about how remarkable it is that God loves us, and still wants us even when we would have other things. Can you imagine? Someone offers you the most perfect love, and instead of reciprocating you throw your life and attention into achieving your dream career. Or wheedling at your own imperfections. Or romancing your significant other. Even when we don't give him the time and attention he deserves, even when we let other things overtake our mind and parade about our heart, he's still there; arms open. That takes some serious perspective and humility.

Also, I've been thinking. In Lewis' opening monologue of Shadowlands, he states that "suffering...[is the] mechanism that will penetrate our selfishness and wake us up to the presence of others in the world." I've experienced this. I remember a time when I was about to do something really hard--just uncomfortable and painful--and I was walking around the Testing Center to blow off steam before I went in to face this dragon of a task. I was scared and fluttery and in pain...and all of a sudden my eyes were opened to those around me. I recognized that if I felt this way, than others could feel this way as well, and my heart hurt for them and their moments of grief and anxiety. I looked at people then and loved them then in a way that is difficult to attain in the self-absorption of the day to day. My suffering helped me to love in a way impossible to generate by sheer power of will.

My question then, is what happens when we are in the opposite state? Can this generosity of being be generated when we are having success, in love, or feeling lucky? In the same monologue, Lewis says "Self-sufficiency is the enemy of salvation. If you are self-sufficient, you have no need of God." Whew...he's right though. 'Self-sufficiency' or Independence from God could be the real quest of the American Dream; to be so comfortable and secure that you don't need God's sustaining power in your life.

I think this can threaten when we come to love. Being in love can make one generous and giving, in an effort to bring others into the same state of happiness you are currently experiencing...but it can also mean a good amount of self-absorption and perceived self-sufficiency. That loneliness you've been staving off for years, that cavernous space of need finally seems like it might go away in the light of your newfound love. God needn't fill you as much because you think you have someone else to do it now...and how willing you are to shift the responsibility for your safety into the hands of someone you can touch and see! I don't really have a response to this, except that Romantic love, while immediately intoxicating, gives mainly the illusion of lasting (and potentially Godless) emotional security. Things may be good, but will not always be perfect. There will be weaknesses, misunderstandings and joint issues that only a reliance on God can fulfill.

In closing, I guess I can say that God loves us whether we are suffering or feeling self-sufficient. While we all desire the security that comes with being happy, lucky and loved, do not forget the privilege of suffering. That opportunity to lean on his arm, and to see people with more love, more desire to genuinely serve and uplift through suffering is invaluable, and one crucial trough on the way to the ultimate peak of living with Him forever.

Take a Rest When you Get to Heaven

In my third year of high school, we had a stake reorganization. Wards going this way and that, best friends ripped unduly from their friend's bossom...It was pretty dramatic stuff. I still remember snickering at the song selection for the meeting. "Thy Will Be Done, Oh Lord", and even more dramatically, "I'll Go Where you Want me to Go". The split ended up alright for my family actually, and we found ourselves in a ward where I found a real home through my last two years of school. However, my father's comments our first testimony Sunday after the great divide have continued with me. He said, "I think Heavenly Father cares about our happiness...but I don't think he really cares about our being comfortable." Lewis mirrors this same sentiment in his early work 'The Problem of Pain'. He says,

"The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world...The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God."

If we get too safe, too comfortable, then what need have we for God? Going on he says,

"but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy."

Though life is often scary, hard and insecure, the swath of worry is often punctuated by joy. Where as security in the world creates distance from God, "a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony...have no such tendency." God gives us happiness, just in brief bursts rather than sustained harmonies. The long term joy is reserved for heaven.

Apologies...tonight is brief. Sleepy! But next time, maybe we'll get a little '4 Loves' mumbo jumbo, which promises to be good...:) Love!

On Christian Marriage

Alright. Apologies Professor Young (and all readership), but this is going to be one of those posts that's required to meet my 2 week quota. Posting twice on the same night? Yes, indeed I am. But I had written the other stuff a while back, so really, it's alright.

In all honesty, Lewis' fiction is not doing as much for me as the apologist stuff. I loved Perelandra...but thus far have not super connected with the Narnia series. SO! I'm going to jump back into Old Faithful territory: Mere Christianity and the chapter on Christian Marriage. (:D)

I love this chapter. Whenever I get distressed about romantic things, how things are imbalanced or not working out, I can read this and feel a little better about what marriage is supposed to look like, and what I'm shooting for. Here's a bit of a lengthy quote:

"The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ's teaching that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism...He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact--just as one is stating a fact when one says that a lock and it's key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument. The inventor of the human machine was telling us that its two halves, the male and female, were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on the sexual level, but totally combined."

Pretty romantic for a guy who had yet to be married, right? :) But my response to this quickly (before I sleep) : I think this is beautiful. What Lewis is describing here is unity; one-ness in being as well as in purpose. A solidarity in goals I think is especially important; the desire for similar things, from where to spend the money to your levels of activity in church. Now certainly, I would guess that this kind of unity is not something you stumble upon. It's something you build. I think the best promise of this type of unity is a degree of shared goals before you start dating, and then a willingness to compromise, to follow the spirit, and eventual love for your spouse that will allow you to admit you're wrong after the fact. I know, highly idealistic...but a dream nontheless. Alright--sleep. :)

Mythic Moments in the Scriptures and Life

I decide what I want to blog about by pinpointing what especial aspect of Lewisnian literature has been most clogging my mind over the past week. This means that I'm often out of sync with the class (we're studying Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe right now), but I think it's for the best. This is my thing after all, and I do what I want. :P

So! The concept that's been most on my mind lately is that of Myth; specifically Lewis' concept of 'Myth Became Fact'. Lewis defines a myth in his essay "On Myth" (clever title) as having 6 specific aspects. A Myth:

1) Is extra-literary. It doesn't matter how it's written; it's the story itself that counts.

2) Doesn't depend on suspense or surprise.

3) Doesn't play on Human Sympathies (Pathos). We don't project ourselves strongly into the characters.

4) Is fantastic--deals with impossibles.

5) Is always grave, never comic.

6) Inspires awe. It feels important.

In my New Testament class we've been studying the parables recently...and after reflecting on this definition of myth, I think that's what they are. The aspect of myth that I like particularly is the first one--that it's extra literary. Have you ever read something where the writing's really good, but the story's not very compelling? Myths (and Parables) are basically the opposite of that. It's the plotline that makes the story compelling, not how the story is told. 

On a second, slightly more lighthearted note, I love Lewis' idea as Myth as Fact, or Myth becoming real. He references this in Perelandra, when Ransom feels both like himself having the adventure, and 'the man' having the adventure. Do you ever feel this way? Like there should be a soundtrack playing in your head as you go forth to do this great thing or have that big talk? In certain circumstances we feel our actions to have more weight then they do in regular life--the day we feel we are going to be proposed to, for example, or the day we go in for that momentous interview. The day we discuss the Gospel with a friend could also be an instance where you feel that it is you acting, but not you alone. The feeling that this story will be one of great importance, one you tell again and again adds gravity to your words and doings, creating a mythic aura around all that you do. Another great label for it is being guided by the Spirit, giving up control and letting your life unfold to stunning new pathways you weren't sure existed. It happens my friends, not always, but when we are ready. And those are some of my favorite moments.